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Monday, December 21st, 2009

nothingbutcards

3:36a i just realized aolsystemmsg instant messages me more than anyone else lately. fml.

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Sunday, December 20th, 2009

nothingbutcards

11:42p I wish I knew why I still love her. I wanted to inspire feeling, something-- but I suppose that was just a pipe dream. I don't think I can move on, nor do I have the desire to. I don't see any sunrise at the end of this long night. I just want to see her again. Talk to her. But those will never happen. I suppose I'm just an idiot, as usual. All I have is a cat that cries at me. I want to sleep next to her. I want what she wants-- but I'm not what she wants. It's unfortunate that everyone else seems so ill suited to me. I just want to forget, forget, forget, forget and forget. There is nothing to look forward to anymore. There's no reason for me to be here-- or anywhere. I have no reason to exist, and I exist for no one. I just wish I could see her face, maybe inspire a smile. I can't remember the last smile I caused that made me feel "that way," that wonderful warmth is forever absent.

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